I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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