she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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