There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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