apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
