I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
