used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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