I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
