Just mADE A PArabola og urine
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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