Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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