i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
