one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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