I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
