Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
