Just fell off a train. Bad.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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