I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
