Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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