i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
