I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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