Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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