Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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