Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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