It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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