dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
