Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
