Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.

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(650): View more from California

Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.

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(519): View more from Ontario

No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.

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(713): View more from Texas

just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!

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(703): View more from Virginia

And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?

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(716): View more from New York

Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.

(281): View more from Texas

You're a hero.

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(909): View more from California

My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.

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