I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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