sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize