I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
