He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
