and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
