Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
