i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
