You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
