I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
