I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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