don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
