i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
