ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
