I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
