she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
