Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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