thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Who died my cat blue again?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
