i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
