I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
