when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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