Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
