Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
