The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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