I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
