Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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