Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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